I’d Like to Spend Some Time With You

It is quite easy to understand from my blog posts that I have been dreadfully lonely for a long time. Many circumstances have led to this, some of which lay on my shoulders. Also, I have been holding onto the hurt of loneliness by being left out of the lives of (some) loved ones and that just made my situation worse. I am happy to be able to say that the stoked fire of blame is lifting away, but that doesn’t mean I am any less lonely.

I wish I had people to visit me, call me up and say, “Hey! I’d like to spend a weekend with you! Are you up for it?” I wish for friends to hug and hands to hold. I wish I had the means to visit people, as the few people whom I am still in communication with live hours away. I wish for a lot of things but wishes do not ease feeling lonesome.

I hope that one day I will have yet another circle of good friends (or the chance to redevelop old relationships) to visit and who will visit me. I hope I will have yet another circle of friends to whom I give as much as they give me. I hope that one day, I can be someone’s friend again.

I hope.

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24 thoughts on “I’d Like to Spend Some Time With You

  1. Kelley I wish we could be friends in real.
    I would hug you as much as you would let
    me. I would spend time with you and be there.

    I know we are only online friends but you
    you are a true friend ❤

  2. I’ve spent the last 3 1/2 years isolating myself so much that I’ve lost most of my friends. I have 1 friend who lives close by, but she is very busy so I don’t get to see her. My other 2 friends live across the country so I never see them. I did have a best friend here, but since I developed my mental illness she never returns my phone calls. I may be mentally ill, but that doesn’t mean I am stupid so after 3 years I’ve finally given up on her friendship. I am married and have 2 daughters. My husband & daughter who live in the house with me are supportive, but it’s not the same as having a friend to talk to. They are tired of hearing me talk about me and how I “feel”. Sad to say – at this point I feel like my therapist (who probably forgets me the minute I walk out the door) is the only friend I have. I am sorry you are feeling so lonely and I certainly do understand. If only someone would invent a way for bloggers and their readers to meet – and then I’d probably develop a panic attack at the thought of meeting someone new!!!

    • Oh Norell, I identify so strongly with what you say. I am slowly learning that a part of getting better is going to be about allowing old relationship to go where they may and new relationships to form as I get out of the house more and more, interacting with new people. It is a sad reality but a bright and shiny reality, too. I hope the best for you and thank you for reading and commenting today.

  3. For me, this blog really relates nicely into the blog about ‘being still’. It’s so easy to get caught up in our lives, and we forget to make time for the things (people) that matter most.

  4. I really hate to hear that you are having these issues in your life. We were “best friends” as children, and I have very fond memories of you. It is so wild that I can identify with exactly what you are going through. I was recently diagnosed with depression and anxiety related illnesses, though I have known that I have had issues for many years. I too have isolated myself, afraid of what people would say or think about me. I have had many wonderful friends in my lifetime that I have lost contact with because of my “issues”. The sad thing about it, is I know that almost every single one of them has tried to maintain contact with me. I, like you, have decided to break the cycle not only for myself, but for my children, who I have used as an excuse not to do things or go anywhere for far too long. My children should be my life, but they should not consume all of it. As ugly as that may sound I need to make time for myself to enjoy things with others. It has taken a lot of courage for you to blog about this, and I admire you for it. I would love to regain contact with you, if only through here. It is good to know that there are others who are in the same “boat” as me. I wish the best for you, and would love to hear from you.

    • Corey, I hate to hear that you are suffering. As you know, it simply sucks! There really is no good way to say it. However, taking time for yourself is imperative not only to your happiness, but your children’s’. The healthier and happier you are, the better mother and friend you can be to them. You can heir example of what an emotionally balanced person acts like. That is a great gift! So don’t feel guilty if you need time alone, time to heal, or time to grow. There is no shame in that. I pray you find help and health. I am happy to reconnect! And am open to just about any question or discussion you might ever need of me. =)

  5. Thanks so much. I appreciate the support. Prayer is what I am relying on at this point. Luckily things have begun to balance out a little. I appreciate you being there to discuss and answer questions. It is good to know that you can understand where I am coming from. It was great to heat from you! 🙂

  6. I really can relate to this post. I spent so many years focused on looking for the “cure” to my illness that most of my friendships dissolved. But the ones that stuck are the ones I focus on now. And there is only 3 and though they live within driving distance, they are very busy with their lives.

    Perhaps with our experience with mental illness, we know the value of friendship because we have loved and lost. I think we also know who precious each moment spent together is, perhaps more so than people who have not experienced illness.

    What I am trying to say is I long for the type of friendship you speak of, where the friend shows up in the same way I want to show up in the friendship.

    Truthfully, I think it starts with me. I am practising being my own best friend. I am being to myself what I want a friend to be for me. Not only is it comforting to know I’ve got my back (hell knows I have abandoned myself more than once), I am getting better at being compassionate towards myself and telling myself I am just right. Maybe then I will attract the kind of friendships I want in my life.

    I wish you all the best and much love.

    Trish

    • Trish, you hit a massive nail on the head when you mentioned how you are trying to learn to be compassionate to yourself and be your own best friend. I think we tend to either lose that ability or never develop it in the first place. Twenty or thirty years later, we find ourselves having to develop something we should have developed as young people and carried into adulthood. What a big goal for us but so worth working towards!
      Good luck!

  7. I have been surfing online more than three hours today, yet I never found any interesting article like yours.
    It’s pretty worth enough for me. In my opinion, if all web owners and bloggers made good content as you did, the net will be a lot more useful than ever before.

    • Thank you, Antonio! You have no idea how much I needed to hear that today of all days. I usually feel as though my thoughts are pretty useless (a BPD-er who is trying to learn to self-validate…just not quite there yet), so I probably do not write as often as I could. Thank you for taking the time to make me feel useful. ~RdHd

    • Thank you very much for finding my blog, let alone bookmarking it! I am glad to know that what I write helps, informs, or simply lets another person feel less alone. 🙂 Take care!

    • Thank you for deeming me “knowledgeable”. I know everyone’s experience differs, but I believe there is usually a vast common ground that we share emotionally, ill or not. I hope I can keep writing well enough for you to like! 😉 Be blessed!

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