It is quite easy to understand from my blog posts that I have been dreadfully lonely for a long time. Many circumstances have led to this, some of which lay on my shoulders. Also, I have been holding onto the hurt of loneliness by being left out of the lives of (some) loved ones and that just made my situation worse. I am happy to be able to say that the stoked fire of blame is lifting away, but that doesn’t mean I am any less lonely.
I wish I had people to visit me, call me up and say, “Hey! I’d like to spend a weekend with you! Are you up for it?” I wish for friends to hug and hands to hold. I wish I had the means to visit people, as the few people whom I am still in communication with live hours away. I wish for a lot of things but wishes do not ease feeling lonesome.
I hope that one day I will have yet another circle of good friends (or the chance to redevelop old relationships) to visit and who will visit me. I hope I will have yet another circle of friends to whom I give as much as they give me. I hope that one day, I can be someone’s friend again.