Pregnancy & MI: Tenacious Reclamation of My Life

My pregnancy has been a wonderful “tool” to add to my Wellness Toolbox. Being completely responsible for the physical and mental well-being of my child has helped soften many edges of the negative thinking that I suffer from due to my Negativity/Pessimism Schema. While it has certainly been no cure, I find myself falling back upon the most negative of my thinking, “I can’t do this anymore”, “Life is not worth the struggle”, “God, please let me not wake”, etc. less and less. I love my unborn child and want desperately to parent him to become an all-around healthy young man. If I am constantly considering that there are options to life other than living, I do not think I’ll manage my parenting goal. In this way, I am thankful that the reality of my pregnancy has helped refocus, in a healthier manner, the filter through which I interpret thoughts and feel emotions.

That being said (there is always a however, huh?)…

The past few weeks have been LOUSY.

“But Redheadcase, you just talked about how a major difficulty of your MI has grown a bit healthier. Are you grateful for nothing?!” a reader may ask.

That is just the thing…being healthier in any increment does not mean I am at the end of the journey to reclaim my life from MI. I will always be on the road to better mental health and must always remember that there are no quick-fixes or complete goal attainment. Being healthier, whether it be mentally, physically, spiritually, etc. is a lifestyle and not any single choice. Success is not found in a moment or a day, but all those individual moments, days, weeks, months, and years can absolutely add up to a well-adapted, content, and emotionally healthy life for all of us. We just have to accept that we will stumble and fall, make the choice to pick ourselves up when we can, and tenaciously seek help no matter how uncomfortable or hard it may feel. Piece all those battle wins together to claim the victory of the war. =)

_______________

On a side note, I wanted to discuss how the past few weeks have been lousy. Just a few shared experiences and thoughts…

-I have always had much more difficulty with the fluctuation of my mood when I am physically drained and/or hungry. My husband can look at me, seeing me wilt like a flower out of water, saying, “We need to get you something to eat/need to get you some rest because your mood is dropping.” When I am fatigued from a lack of sleep or from running errands or when my blood sugar drops from not having eaten recently enough, I become much more susceptible to the depressions and anxieties of my MI. And I have found that with being pregnant, I wilt at a much more rapid pace, making it harder to catch my decline in time to prevent. I point this out because self-care is of the upmost importance, especially when you are suffering from an illness and ESPECIALLY when you are pregnant, dealing with hormones that fluctuate as they please no matter how carefully you care for yourself. Proper sleep, rest, and diet are essential to an MI-er’s well-being, and we must be willing to tell the people around us that we have to take the time to rest and/or eat. Putting ourselves first is a very good thing because when we are our healthiest for us, we can be at out healthiest for our loved ones. It is a “win-win” for everyone.

-I have really been struggling with feeling useless. (Yea, I am growing a life, yet I feel as though I contribute nothing to anything. 😉  Losing school this semester has really taken a toll on me, as I have discussed in previous posts. I had worked so hard to return to school and to have to stop (again) due to pregnancy-related illness, I find that I feel as though I am good-for-nothing (see how that Negativity/Pessimism Schema sneaks into any crevice of a person’s thinking to try to bring them down?). While I still volunteer at a local hospital, I feel I do little to contribute to my family or the world, in general. This is a thought, and resulting feeling, that I cannot seem to shake. I need a purpose to pursue outside of my home but cannot seem to find one. …Work in progress, right? =)

Well, that is all I have for the moment. I hope this finds everyone feeling well and a little less alone in a world that can feel really lonely. Take care.

AFSP

 

 

 

Out of the Darkness Walks

Walk to Save Lives

Suicide claims more than 38,000 lives each year in the United States alone, with someone dying by suicide every 13.7 minutes. A suicide attempt is made every minute of every day, resulting in nearly one million attempts made annually.

When you walk in the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention’s Out of the Darkness Walks, you join efforts with thousands of people nationwide to raise money for AFSP’s vital research and education programs to prevent suicide and save lives. The walks raise awareness about depression and suicide, and provide comfort and assistance to those who have lost someone to suicide.

SUICIDE CAN BE PREVENTED. YOU CAN HELP. JOIN THE MOVEMENT.

Suicide Prevention

 

 

 

 

Call 1-800-273-TALK (8255)

Get Help

You aren’t alone. No matter who you are or what problems you are struggling with, hurting yourself isn’t the answer. We want to help you find hope.

I Love Who I Am Fighting For…Me and Those To Come

I must push through

no matter how misunderstood I may be.

I must carry onbitsofwisdom.org

in spite of what people think they see.

I must continue

because I know what I fight for.

Battles may feel lost

but I am worth the win, the war.

I am sick but not lost; I am ill but not different. I am just trying to find my new normal in a world that is difficult for us all.

Suicide Prevention

If you feel you are in a crisis, whether or not you are thinking about killing yourself, please call the Lifeline. People have called us for help with substance abuse, economic worries, relationship and family problems, sexual orientation, illness, getting over abuse, depression, mental and physical illness, and even loneliness.

AFSP

Understanding and preventing suicide through research, education, and advocacy.

Mental Illness & Higher Ed Make for Odd (But Helpful) Bedfellows

Going back to college after a LONG break for a few years of depressive “bed rest” has been a challenge. My brain is rusty, my thoughts run rampant, and my time management skills need a lot of fine-tuning.  Simply put, I am really out of the practice of using my brain by choice, versus MI using it to manipulate my emotions and thoughts.

Slowly but surely, I am taking back control of all things Redhead…well, some things, anyway. The most difficult hurdles I have encountered on this intellectual journey, both educational and mental, are the ever-present feelings of having few people to lean on, to talk to and finding the confidence to believe that if I keep sanding away the rust on my brain, I will have something worth working with. Who knew confidence, or a lack thereof, could be such a deal maker or breaker? Multiple-choice tests, short answer essays…no problem. I have those down pat. I have always been a pretty good test taker, but paper-writing is kicking my proverbial butt because anxiety locks my brain through my lack of confidence. I know I can write well enough (as long as I proofread, write multiple drafts, and allow time to walk away from the assignment), but I find myself overthinking and overshooting so often that I have difficulty managing writing down an elementary sentence that simply states the subject of my work, let alone writing a paragraph. The first paper I wrote this semester…oh my. At one point, it took me two and a half hours to write one and a half paragraphs. The rampant thoughts cause me to edit as I write in the hopes that gold will poor forth on my first draft. The lack of confidence and the feeling that I need to overshoot all come back to the BPD and trying to manage validation from professors that I am something other than a soon-to-be-found-out-fraud…a woman who is too old and too rusty to be in school…a woman with nothing unique to add to the academic mix.

This semester has been about putting out one paper-writing fire after the next (anxiety induced by assignments and timeframe pressures), with personal and family medical issues to add a little fuel. But I have been hanging in with each blaze, taking a little bit of new knowledge away from the experience to help me fight the next fire more efficiently. Darn those assignment fires…professors ask too much in expecting work from me. =P The last paper I wrote was a wonderful success. I expected a decent grade but did even better than expected. I was proud that I handled my anxiety by walking away from the assignment when needed and, when it came down to it, accepting that if I worked hard and did my best, my best would be pretty good. Somehow, accepting my hard work as its own validity in my effort to write helped free me from the need to perform at a level that is difficult to manage when I have been out of school for so long, and fight the lies of anxiety and depression, in regards to my ability. I learned more from the process of writing my last paper than I did from the text itself. Maybe I shouldn’t admit that! LOL

I went back to school looking to use it not only as a means to a degree but as a tool in continuing to conquer my MI. With each leap of faith I take in allowing myself to write bubble outlines that are not refined and high-browed (Ooo! I need some Crayolas for my next bubble outline!), I take a step further away from the anxiety depression, and BPD that tell me I am nothing.

I will never be without the experience of MI, but I can, and am, overcoming it each day I work towards my goals.

 

Suicide Prevention

No matter what problems you are dealing with, we want to help you find a reason to keep living. By calling 1-800-273-TALK (8255) you’ll be connected to a skilled, trained counselor at a crisis center in your area, anytime 24/7.

 

 

 

AFSPThe American Foundation for Suicide Prevention (AFSP) is the nation’s leading organization bringing together people across communities and backgrounds to understand and prevent suicide, and to help heal the pain it causes. Individuals, families, and communities who have been personally touched by suicide are the moving force behind everything we do.

  • We strive for a world that is free of suicide.
  • We support research, because understanding the causes of suicide is vital to saving lives.
  • We educate others in order to foster understanding and inspire action.
  • We offer a caring community to those who have lost someone they love to suicide, or who are struggling with thoughts of suicide themselves.
  • We advocate to ensure that federal, state, and local governments do all they can to prevent suicide, and to support and care for those at risk.

Borderline Personality Disorder: In My Words (Part 2)

The follow-up post to “Borderline Personality Disorder: In My Words“, published in June, 2012.

***TRIGGER WARNING***

Please…do not use these admissions against me. Instead, use them to help yourself or someone you know.

“People with BPD often have highly unstable patterns of social relationships. While they can develop intense attachments, their attitudes toward family, friends, and loved ones may suddenly shift from idealization (great admiration and love) to devaluation (intense anger and dislike). Even with family members, individuals with BPD are highly sensitive to rejection, reacting with anger and distress to such mild separations as a vacation, a business trip, or a sudden change of plans.

Distortions in thinking and sense of self can lead to frequent changes in long-term goals, career plans, jobs, friendships, gender identity, and values. Sometimes people with BPD view themselves as fundamentally bad, or unworthy. They may feel unfairly misunderstood or mistreated, bored, empty, and have little idea who they are. Such symptoms are most acute when people with BPD feel isolated and lacking in social support, and may result in frantic efforts to avoid being alone by acting out; i.e. impulsive behavior or suicide attempts.”

-Understanding BPD, National Education Alliance for Borderline Personality Disorder, http://www.borderlinepersonalitydisorder.com

The numbered, italicized headings below are the criteria in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fourth Edition (DSM-IV), used to diagnosis Borderline Personality Disorder. The unitalicized writing is my elaboration on how each BPD criterion affects me.

(I am beginning with criterion#3 as I was not sure how it applied to me when I wrote the first section of this post.)http://gcharacterwoman.blogspot.com/2011/05/i-am-work-in-progress.html

3. Identity disturbance: markedly and persistently unstable self-image or sense of self.

-While I have a better understanding of this criterion now, as opposed to when I first posted in June 2012, I know that my understanding will be evolving for a long time to come. However, with that being said, I can now look back at my life and recognize many choices and feelings that are related to the concept of identity disturbance.

At the core of all things that make me Redhead, I am a caretaker; I want to affect positive influence in the lives of others. There has never been any question in my mind that easing someone’s difficulties, great or small, makes me glow on the inside and gives a sense of great meaning to my life. And while this is a wonderful personal attribute, the BPD has made it difficult to #1-balance how much I involve myself with others without sacrificing myself and #2-balance understanding where a healthy sense of “great meaning” ends and an unhealthy sense of going too far begins.

Example #1: For many years, I had a group of friends who, in my mind, wanted/needed me as much as I wanted/needed them. I thought that their experiences were my experiences and my experiences were theirs, so to speak. It was not until a few months into Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) (and a picture posted on social media where all women from “our” group were pictured…except me…on a trip I was not invited on) that I realized I did not hold equal stock in our friendship. To be fair, the signs were there all along but the BPD would not allow me to see them because I did not want to admit to something that (I now know) would have translated into feeling emotionally abandoned. I travelled to their wedding showers and weddings, baby showers, ect. that I was left out of planning (even though I asked to help plan them) and in over 10 years of friendship, I was visited in my home only once by any of the women (and that was because she was in town for a conference…not for me). I simply could not recognize that as I became more and more ill, I clung more and more desperately (Can I make cookies for…?, How can I help with…, Here is $60 to help pay for this shower [that I was not allowed to help plan]) to friendships that I had misinterpreted as more important in their lives than they were. (I sure hope you can follow that example, as I have no clue how to punctuate part of it and my thoughts are not translating into the written word as well as I had hoped. =)

Example #2: This is closely related to example #1, but is a bit more broad in scope. To this day, my impulsive side (thank you, BPD) meets with my caretaker side to want to help people in any way I can. The problem is that while it is noble to want to help people, I cannot substitute the external sense of accomplishment or sense of feeling needed for an internal validation that I give myself. Does that make sense? I have to learn to make myself feel good about myself just because…not because someone in the world “gave me permission” by giving me accolades and validation. I have to learn to validate myself as important, special, and good. External validation is a great thing but only when it is first accompanied by a sturdy internal validation. (Why did I not just say that in the first place?! LOL)

5. Recurrent suicidal behavior, gestures, or threats, or self-mutilating behavior

-When I originally posted on the subject of how BPD affected me, I was not ready to address how suicide played a role in my life. Since that time however, I have posted “Suicide and Me“, where I wrote about suicidal ideation, explaining that, “Almost every day, I think about the action of taking my life to relieve the pain of living. It is not about wanting to not live; it is about not wanting the emotional pain to continue and believing that physical death is my only way out.” Suicidal ideation and I know each other very well, but I have no intention to ever complete suicide. I have never attempted to die by suicide purposefully, although in 2007, I did accidently overdose on a prescription medication that made me forget, many times over, that I had already taken a dose…until the bottle was empty. This led to my first hospitalization because while the overdose was not intentional, afterwards, I wished it had been successful.

Luckily, I do not suffer from suicidal gestures (hurting myself, overdosing, self-harming, etc… just enough to need medical attention in an attempt to get others to realize just how ill I am and how much help I need), threats (although I have been honest with my husband and therapist that, even without the intention to complete it, I do have a suicide plan), or self-mutilating behavior (i.e. cutting with razor blades, burning one’s self, etc.).

6. Affective instability due to a marked reactivity of mood (e.g., intense episodic dysphoria, irritability, or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and only rarely more than a few days).

-In English: My outward reactions (my affect) can be erratic or unpredictable (instability) because my moods or emotions are capable of quickly changing (marked reactivity). It “boils down to this”: it is impossible to know how I might react to what happens around me because, when ill, my mood can change so quickly…how I reacted yesterday is not how I will necessarily react today because yesterday, I might have been in one mood and today, I might be in another. And scarily enough, the fluctuations in my moods can literally be moment to moment. In the darkest moment of BPD, I can transition from Heaven-worthy joy to Hell-induced emotional pain in seconds. A video of such vacillating moods would make for a good horror movie, to be honest. Jack Nicholson would have nothing on me! (Yes…you can giggle.)

BPD can make me very moody when I am in a depressive episode or experiencing high levels of anxiety. While I am decently successful in hiding this from most people, my husband and my mother get the brunt of it. They often see my mood bounce like a Ping-Pong ball from one emotion to another, having no idea what caused any of the changes. Both my husband and mother can see it in my face in an instant! Sometimes, I am not very nice to them.

7. Chronic feelings of emptiness

-Dude! I feel empty, lost, unimportant, you-name-it, 95% of every breath of my life! It is SO tiring! And I still have no idea what to do about it. I have yet to find anything that fills the void in my heart other than the external validation I discussed in criterion #3, which we already decided was fleeting, unhealthy, and not a very good Band-Aid when I cannot validate myself from the inside. #7 is why #3 is a criterion I can very easily fall prey to. I am sure that in future posts, I will share my journey with my “chronic feelings of emptiness” and ways I discover to help ease that burden. Until then, just know I am searching and open to ideas! =)

8. Inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger (e.g., frequent displays of temper, constant anger, recurrent physical fights)

-Ooooo weeee! I DO NOT LIKE DISCUSSING THIS. This makes me feel ashamed, dirty, and low as a human. But I need to be honest to better deal with it, don’t I? Geesh.

Ok. So here goes…until a few years ago, I was pretty passive when depressed. Yes, I could say mean things but nothing that stabbed at a person’s jugular, per se, and I certainly never became physical. However…………. (can I just keep typing periods and skip this? LOL), my emotional pain has increasingly gained the ability to spike quickly, making me a person most loved ones would never recognize. Instead of feeling hurt, I choose to feel angry because, well, angry just seems easier. There can be a sense of power and authority that comes with anger, and perhaps, that is why my brain sometimes chooses to turn the sense of vulnerable hurt into powerful pain…a very maladaptive coping mechanism. I have thrown cherished items and relished the plume of dust as they broke against tile floors and hit pictures so my wedding day signature picture (you know the pictures with the matting that people leave messages on?) is hung glassless. And I cannot tell you how hard it has sometimes been to not thrown things at the television when angered. Sorry hubby. 😉

I swear…you have no need to fear me! LOL Maybe pictures, knick-knacks, and TVs, but not people! =) Lord, what people who read this must be thinking.

9. Transient, stress-related paranoid ideation or severe dissociative symptoms

-I do not think I have ever been dissociative (maybe my LPC husband would say differently. I dunno), but I do worry way too much about what others think of me. For instance, my job is made 100% more stressful than it needs to be because I always worry that my boss will see a mistake I make and conclude that I am 100% incompetent. Does it occur to me that she may just note, “Need to show Redhead how to…”? Of course it occurs to me but then the BPD tells me that I am going to be figured out as the fake I am…dumb and stupid.

Oh! And I worry that if I do not take the time to neaten up before leaving the house, people will think I am a stereotype of where I live. What stereotype is that? Well, when I moved from my home state (also my current state) as a 7 year old, I was asked by my new fellow statesmen (young children, mind you) if people in my home state wore shoes. Yeah. We are often judged as barefoot and pregnant, uneducated hillbillies. Do we have people like that where I live? Sure, but does not every place have a stereotypical element to their society? Honestly, most people do not even know we are a state. No joke. But anyhoo, this is related to my post, “I Am Judgmental and I Am Pretty Enough for Ravishing Red!“. I can be judgemental as a defense mechanism, so it is natural that I think people judge me. It is one of those snowball effect thingys. (Yes, I said “thingys”. I have been writing for two hours. Isn’t that sad?! LOL)

Thank you for hanging in with me to finish this post. It was a bit more emotionally tiring than I expected and it is getting close to my bedtime. I appreciate it if you have made it this far and forgiven my writing mistakes. =)

Take care!

Getting Better Means I Cannot Run Away

I have never much been afraid to face and confront the reasons why I developed mental illness. In fact, anger, confusion, and the feeling of having no control over my life have continued to motivate my need to deal with and accept my illness. After all, if I am unwilling to face the difficult truths of my life by actively challenging them and all the pain they cause, how can I ever hope to become better?

I recently had my first session in Experiential Therapy (EP), “…a role play method through which past, present and future issues can be resolved and when combined with more traditional modalities serves to elicit material from the unconscious that allows one to fill in perceptual, cognitive and emotional gaps. Material that has been out-of-vision can come to the surface where it can be worked through and seen in a new light. (It has a) unique ability to give voice to hidden wounds has…”. I am the first to admit, when my therapist introduced the concept of EP to me, it conjured “wacky” Freudian ideas (not that EP is Psychoanalytic in nature). I wondered how concepts like Empty Chair work (ECW) could possibly be adapted into my respect for Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). However, having a very sensible (she knew how silly I felt “talking to myself”), well-educated, and experienced therapist, I was able to participate in my first session with great success, allowing my walls against “wacky” therapies to lower themselves a bit, leaving myself open to the possibility that EP has value in my therapeutic journey.

To keep it simple and to scare away as few readers as possible (LOL), I will not describe the ECW in too much detail because…well, you WILL think it sounds quite reaching in terms of validity and value.  Anyhoo…ECW allowed me to reconnect to a lot of the emotions I had as a child, the time in my life when I began developing the maladaptive schemas that I am now unlearning.

I always knew I felt invalidated as a child but until this session, I never realized how deeply that invalidation had sunk itself into my everything.  I came away from the session understanding that, as a child just trying to find her way through the world the best she sad childcould, I was quite often marginalized for simply being a child; my emotions were too childish, my coping abilities immature, and my capacity to understand anything…deficient. In other words, I was invalidated and belittled for not being an adult. (What a shock that I might be childish, immature, right? Geesh.)

I found myself crying for that little girl, the little girl who did not have the age and experience to give her the language to express how she felt and how very wrong adults were to criticize her for her youth. I felt sorry for her constant state of confusion, her continuous wondering as to why she never seemed to be able to please the village of adults around her. I was devastated when I realized how she internalized all that negative interaction into one question, “What is wrong with me?” I cried because she knew more about the world than adults ever gave her credit for, recognized how child-like adults actually were, and how amazingly strong she was to never stop trying to understand and improve her life.

I could have been very afraid to try a new-to-me “wacky” therapy.

I could have refused to face the emotions that came from it.

But had I run from those things, how could I ever hope to become better.

If you feel you are in a crisis, whether or not you are thinking about killing yourself, please call the Lifeline. People have called us for help with substance abuse, economic worries, relationship and family problems, sexual orientation, illness, getting over abuse, depression, mental and physical illness, and even loneliness.

No matter what problems you are dealing with, we want to help you find a reason to keep living. By calling 1-800-273-TALK (8255) you’ll be connected to a skilled, trained counselor at a crisis center in your area, anytime 24/7.

 

AFSP

 

 

 

 

The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention (AFSP) is the nation’s leading organization bringing together people across communities and backgrounds to understand and prevent suicide, and to help heal the pain it causes. Individuals, families, and communities who have been personally touched by suicide are the moving force behind everything we do.

  • We strive for a world that is free of suicide.
  • We support research, because understanding the causes of suicide is vital to saving lives.
  • We educate others in order to foster understanding and inspire action.
  • We offer a caring community to those who have lost someone they love to suicide, or who are struggling with thoughts of suicide themselves.
  • We advocate to ensure that federal, state, and local governments do all they can to prevent suicide, and to support and care for those at risk.

Suicide and Me

***TRIGGER WARNING***

Nothing explicit but could still be triggering.

Suicidal ideation: Thinking about, considering, or planning for suicide. CDC, 9/12/12

I suffer from suicidal ideation (SI for the rest of the post). Almost every day, I think about the action of taking my life to relieve the pain of living. It is not about wanting to not live; it is about not wanting the emotional pain to continue and believing that physical death is my only way out.

Over the past few weeks, I have, for many different reasons, fell prey to physical fatigue. Between moving with a week’s notice, going on a long trip, and working, I became corporeally exhausted (I can use a thesaurus!). I fell into a depression due to this extreme fatigue and it’s accompanying stress. I was unable to pay bills, keep track of important dates, or go through day without a nap. I was tapped out both physically and mentally.

The funny thing is that through it all, even while at a forum for suicide prevention in Washington, D.C., I found myself “escaping” from the exhaustion and stress by picturing, as though a movie in my head, how I might die by suicide (saying “committed” suicide is now un-PC, but it does not offend me. I figured I’d just be kosher for the sake of this post). Another “funny” thing…I do have a suicide plan and a back-up for the original. Do not fret…my therapist knows. How is that for transparency? I could teach the POTUS a thing or two about transparency, couldn’t I? =)

Now, allow me to educate you for a moment. Suffering from SI IS NOT the same as suffering from suicidal intent; I do not INTEND, have not determined, concluded, or decided to put my plan into action. Please, do not call 911 because they will simply wake up a then-cranky redhead who was (hopefully) sleeping peacefully. What I want to share is that thousands, perhaps millions of people suffer from SI, and you would  have no way to tell. I know that at the AFSP Suicide Prevention Forum in Washington, my own husband had no idea how much I was suffering.

The issue is that SI does bring a person one step closer to a consequence that cannot be undone. Each time a person reviews all the details of their plan or simply thinks to themselves, “If only I could die, all this pain would end,” they tread closer to a decision that will ultimately break many people’s hearts. Parent’s are left wondering what clue they missed; siblings are left with the guilt of not perhaps voicing an opinion that “something seemed wrong”, and children ask where Mom or Dad is. The village, the community, the world loses the chance to see the beauty of live unfold as it was meant to do.

I will not go into detail about my plan for obvious reasons. I will share that due to the emotional pain of perceiving (due to BPD) being lonely, invalidated, unessential to peoples’ lives, and having little active support, I lived today with a picture show in my head…a show that relieved stress and caused pain all at once.

Be blessed and ask for help. It is the hardest thing you can do but the biggest step you can take on your path to recovery.

Suicide PreventionPlease call 800-273-TALK (8255), 24/7 if you feel you are in a crisis, whether or not you are thinking about killing yourself, please call the Lifeline. People have called us for help with substance abuse, economic worries, relationship and family problems, sexual orientation, illness, getting over abuse, depression, mental and physical illness, and even loneliness. When you dial you are calling the crisis center in the Lifeline network closest to your location. After you call, you will hear a message saying you have reached the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. You will hear hold music while your call is being routed. You will be helped by a skilled, trained crisis worker who will listen to your problems and  will tell you about mental health services in your area. Your call is confidential and free.

AFSP

Mission

The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention (AFSP) is the leading national not-for-profit organization exclusively dedicated to understanding and preventing suicide through research, education and advocacy, and to reaching out to people with mental disorders and those impacted by suicide.

I’m Pretty Happy! No…For Realz!!!

For people who know me predominately through my presence on social media, I can understand how a person might think I live as MI/BPD 24/7. I absolutely admit that, depending on a person’s own experiences and interpretations, I could come off that way. However, I apparently need to share that, in fact, I do live outside of the influence of MI once in a blue moon. =)http://alxa.ru

I actually get to just be Redhead a lot of the time. I do not always have the weight of MI on my shoulders. I do not always feel MI’s pain. Sometimes, I actually get to be pretty happy and content…more or less. Heck…just think about what I was processing, very publically, this time last year. Yeah…I know, right?!

So, if you find yourself picturing me as a 24/7 unhappy, pained, living in the past kinda gal…you can let that go and picture a getting-back-to-a-level-place kinda gal. A work in progress…but I AM progressing, and I am SO happily thankful for that! Bahahaha!!!

And if you do not feel the need to adjust your interpretation of me, I am actually pretty ok with that, too…finally.

 

AFSP

 

 

 

The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention (AFSP) is the leading national not-for-profit organization exclusively dedicated to understanding and preventing suicide through research, education and advocacy, and to reaching out to people with mental disorders and those impacted by suicide.

To fully achieve its mission, AFSP engages in the following Five Core Strategies:

  • Fund scientific research
  • Offer educational programs for professionals
  • Educate the public about mood disorders and suicide prevention
  • Promote policies and legislation that impact suicide and prevention
  • Provide programs and resources for survivors of suicide loss and people at risk, and involve them in the work of the Foundation

~http://www.afsp.org/about-afsp/mission-and-history

 

Suicide PreventionWhen you dial 1-800-273-TALK  (8255), you are calling the crisis center in the Lifeline network closest to your location. After you call, you will hear a message saying you have reached the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. You will hear hold music while your call is being routed. You will be helped by a skilled, trained crisis worker who will listen to your problems and will tell you about mental health services in your area. Your call is confidential and free.

~http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/