I let my 5 month old fall asleep in my arms tonight.
It was wonderful.
I usually try to let him fall asleep in his crib to help him learn to fall asleep on his own, but tonight, I indulged his want for my arms and my need for sweet, little face. Everyone needs spoiled from time to time. 😊
It has been a long few weeks as I recover from another bout of depression and anxiety. As I grew more and more tired from the flu during Christmas, my ability to fight away depressive and anxious thoughts weakened. I had to reserve any energy I had to care for the needs of my little one. I didn’t have any energy left to care for myself.
I began making classic mistakes in that I wasn’t eating (a glass of milk a meal does not make) not taking my supplements and vitamins (my iron and vitamin D are a bit low) or asking for help (Umm, I haven’t had a meal, a protein and veggie meal, in days? Could you help?). It is no wonder I was feeling so physically and mentally bleak; I wasn’t taking care of me.
While I’m still not yet in the clear, I am feeling much better. For the millionth time, I realized I had to save myself by healing myself (amazing how we romanticize this experience and hope that validation comes through the unprompted care from another, while we fail to care for ourselves! Lol). I realized that these are the experiences that my child will witness and gain knowledge from…that he can, and should…put himself first so that he can then do his best to care for others. He will witness resilience and discover that it is a beautiful skill that can be built upon and mastered. He will witness a mother who is strong enough to ask for help.
So, in the meantime, I’ll snuggle him close and let him fall asleep in my arms. A spirit needs spoiled from time to time.