Last night, I received an invitation to go swimming today and on a road trip to a water park in a few days by my friend L. Unfortunately, I had to decline both offers because I had previous plans, but I am so thankful for having been thought of and invited. =)
The situation prompted me to think about the many non-specific invitations I receive to visit people or tag along on their various adventures. We all know the non-specific invitation, “You are welcome anytime,” or “You are going to have to come with us some time”. But rarely, in my case, comes an offer like L’s where I receive a time and place along with the invitation. I chuckled in thinking about this because I have too many non-specific invitations in my repertoire to count.
The funny thing about the non-specific invitation is two-fold for my BPD brain. Firstly, I wonder, “If you genuinely would like to spend time with me, why can you not make specific plans to do so?” Secondly, I wonder, “If I am always welcome, why did you not invite me to the gathering you posted about on our shared social media site?” Luckily, with having a pretty clear head that is not currently being run by my BPD schemas, I can, at the moment, recount this often-occurring situation without feeling hurt. I can reflect on it, examine it, and challenge my BPD thought process with two ideas. Firstly, a relationship with the non-specific inviters may not be meant to be (and that is ok) and secondly, once in a while, I can accept a non-specific invitation without expectation of a repeat…just enjoy the moment sort of thinking.
I try to take these times of a calm, decently functioning mind to review the things in life that trigger my maladaptive schemas. In this case, when I receive non-specific invitations time and time again, the BPD Negativity/Pessimism schema is triggered, skewing my thinking by telling me that people give me open invitations to protect themselves from feeling guilty about not cementing plans with me and that I am not good enough to warrant their time. On top of that, the Abandonment schema is triggered, telling me that someone else has either chosen to not develop a relationship with me or has decided to put space between us. Either way, thoughts like these are my everyday thoughts, so I am constantly asking myself things like, “Redhead, is it really that you aren’t good enough or could it just be that people have lost a sense of how special you are (in a good way! LOL) to the illness?” No wonder I am always so tired! ;o)
As I have often said, I am a work in progress but am getting somewhere. =)
Sorry for the alignment issues below. I am not sure what is going on there. =/
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