You Are Welcome Anytime…Sorta

Last night, I received an invitation to go swimming today and on a road trip to a water park in a few days by my friend L. Unfortunately, I had to decline both offers because I had previous plans, but I am so thankful for having been thought of and invited. =)

The situation prompted me to think about the many non-specific invitations I receive to visit people or tag along on their various adventures. We all know the non-specific invitation, “You are welcome anytime,” or “You are going to have to come with us some time”. But rarely, in my case, comes an offer like L’s where I receive a time and place along with the invitation. I chuckled in thinking about this because I have too many non-specific invitations in my repertoire to count.

The funny thing about the non-specific invitation is two-fold for my BPD brain. Firstly, I wonder, “If you genuinely would like to spend time with me, why can you not make specific plans to do so?” Secondly, I wonder, “If I am always welcome, why did you not invite me to the gathering you posted about on our shared social media site?” Luckily, with having a pretty clear head that is not currently being run by my BPD schemas, I can, at the moment, recount this often-occurring situation without feeling hurt. I can reflect on it, examine it, and challenge my BPD thought process with two ideas. Firstly, a relationship with the non-specific inviters may not be meant to be (and that is ok) and secondly, once in a while, I can accept a non-specific invitation without expectation of a repeat…just enjoy the moment sort of thinking.

I try to take these times of a calm, decently functioning mind to review the things in life that trigger my maladaptive schemas. In this case, when I receive non-specific invitations time and time again, the BPD Negativity/Pessimism schema is triggered, skewing my thinking by telling me that people give me open invitations to protect themselves from feeling guilty about not cementing plans with me and that I am not good enough to warrant their time. On top of that, the Abandonment schema is triggered, telling me that someone else has either chosen to not develop a relationship with me or has decided to put space between us. Either way, thoughts like these are my everyday thoughts, so I am constantly asking myself things like, “Redhead, is it really that you aren’t good enough or could it just be that people have lost a sense of how special you are (in a good way! LOL) to the illness?” No wonder I am always so tired! ;o)

As I have often said, I am a work in progress but am getting somewhere. =)

Sorry for the alignment issues below. I am not sure what is going on there. =/

No matter what problems you are dealing with, we want to help you find a reason to keep living. By calling 1-800-273-TALK (8255) you’ll be connected to a skilled, trained counselor at a crisis center in your area, anytime 24/7.


The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention (AFSP) is the nation’s leading organization bringing together people across communities and backgrounds to understand and prevent suicide, and to help heal the pain it causes. Individuals, families, and communities who have been personally touched by suicide are the moving force behind everything we do.

  • We strive for a world that is free of suicide.
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  • We advocate to ensure that federal, state, and local governments do all they can to prevent suicide, and to support and care for those at risk.

2 thoughts on “You Are Welcome Anytime…Sorta

  1. Pingback: Pregnancy & MI: Tenacious Reclamation of My Life | Redheadcase's Mental Health Recovery

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