In 2006, Prince released an album that included a song called “Fury”. The lyrics included the words, “There ain’t no fury like a woman scorned.” (I know the common phrase I used in the title does not perfectly reflect in Prince’s phrasing, but I ask for some latitude. Thank you, my dears.) Anyhoo…he, and the original author to the more well known version of the referenced saying are right in that there is no fury like the fury of a woman scorned. However, what these two fine, lyrical minds failed to realize is that the fury of a woman with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) makes the fires of hell quiver in our presence! LOL
BPD has many hallmarks and for me, one of my deepest, darkest hallmarks is the Emotional Deprivation Schema (schema: broad, pervasive themes regarding oneself and one’s relationship with others, developed during childhood and elaborated throughout one’s lifetime, and dysfunctional to a significant degree¹). I am “…exquisitely sensitive to rejection…” (could not have expressed that better myself! Exquisitely I tell you! LOL) I also “…live daily with extreme emotional pain…, low stress tolerance, fears of abandonment…” and like many BPD-ers, I “…cannot work or do not function at levels that could be expected in light of (my) intellectual capacities.” That is a lot of perceived scorn, isn’t it?! As I explained to my therapist today, even on my good days where I feel the cloud of Mental Illness (MI) lift from my shoulders, I am always aware it follows me. MI is as much a part of my definition as being female or a redhead are.
BPD, and MI in general, scorn me every day. I cannot sit down with a cup of tea to give myself a five-minute “MI Free” break. I cannot decide that any one day will be a rumination-free day, nor can I vanquish thoughts of wanting to disappear forever into the ground like the snows of late Spring. I simply do not have that choice. (My husband recently told me that he didn’t want our lives to be defined by MI…which I understood what he meant…but as I was in a moment of exquisite suffering at that moment, I told him to go out into the world and not be black for a day and get back to me on how that goes. Obviously, he cannot not be black just as I cannot not be MI…at least at the moment.)
So, as I often ask when trying to bring some cohesion to my wandering blog posts…what is this all about?
This is about the fact that BPD/MI have had their way with me for far too long. They have beaten, bruised, and SCORNED me for 20 years longer than they ever had the right to. But right now and in the days ahead, the fury of this redhead is going to give BPD/MI a beating, bruising, and scorning that they have never had before. They will always be a part of my definition, but with hard work, continued focus, and a great therapist who not only supports me but calls me out on my crap when I try to get it past her, BPD/MI will not BE MY DEFINITION. They will learn to quiver in my presence.
No matter what problems you are dealing with, we want to help you find a reason to keep living. By calling 1-800-273-TALK (8255) you’ll be connected to a skilled, trained counselor at a crisis center in your area, anytime 24/7.
When You Fear Someone May Take Their Life
Most suicidal individuals give some warning of their intentions. The most effective way to prevent a friend or loved one from taking his or her life is to recognize the factors that put people at risk for suicide, take warning signs seriously and know how to respond.
Know the Facts
More than 90 percent of people who kill themselves are suffering from one or more psychiatric disorders, in particular:
- Major depression (especially when combined with alcohol and/or drug abuse)
- Bipolar depression
- Alcohol abuse and dependence
- Drug abuse and dependence
- Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)
- Eating disorders
- Personality disorders
Depression and the other mental disorders that may lead to suicide are — in most cases — both recognizable and treatable. Remember, depression can be lethal.