Depression: Rolling Sisyphus’ Darn Rock

I believe it is safe to declare that I am in a state of depression… but do not anguish! I persist in rolling my rock up my hill! =)

Symptoms of depression include the following:1

  • depressed mood (such as feelings of sadness or emptiness) (…Check!)
  • reduced interest in activities that used to be enjoyed, sleep disturbances (either not being able to sleep well or sleeping too much) (…Check!)
  • loss of energy or a significant reduction in energy level (…Check!)
  • difficulty concentrating, holding a conversation, paying attention, or making decisions that used to be made fairly easily (…Check!)
  • suicidal thoughts or intentions. (No worries. No intentions; just moments of feeling wretched. Pinky promise!)

I had hoped that with the extreme depression I dealt with last fall through this past summer, I would find respite for the sacrifice of almost a year, but alas, it has not come to pass.

While I sit in my husband’s big, comfy chair with the sun streaming upon me from the window on my right and a lightbox2 emanating its beneficial, full spectrum rays of light from the floor to my left, I write this post because I am not sure what else to do. It is taking quite the effort to continue typing as I would prefer to simply proclaim that I am depressed and go back to bed. After all, I am running on five hours of sleep! =) However, I go on, and that is the good news.

Usually during periods of depression, I am so completely inundated by its symptoms that it is rare I am able to function at any meaningful level. I typically find myself unable to attend to the daily requirements of life, yet this time around, I have been able to keep appointments, communicate with others, and work in my volunteer position; it has simply taken much more physical & mental energy and inner encouragement to do so. I usually arrive home after such efforts (which usually take no more than 4-5 hours of my time) so fatigued that I have recently fallen asleep within minutes of sitting upon the couch with my poor head hung low upon my chest. (Talk about a kink in my neck!)

I have no specific piece of knowledge to share through this post. I suppose I simply wanted to share…share that while I am experiencing moments of exceptional despair, I am doing better than muddling through…share that even though the concept of hope has become a bit tarnished once again, I am still endeavoring to move forward.

 

Courtesy of Scott Hilburn

I am beginning to really identify with Sisyphus and his darn rock. But he keeps rolling it upward, and I will continue to do the same, for as long as I might.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

1 American Psychiatric Association. (1994). Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fourth Edition. Washington, D.C.: American Psychiatric Association.

2Learn more about light therapy (phototherapy) for treating depression, Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD), and other illnesses at http://www.webmd.com/depression/tc/light-therapy-topic-overview.

 

No matter what problems you are struggling with, hurting yourself isn’t the answer.  Call 1-800-273-TALK  (8255) to talk to a counselor at a Lifeline crisis center near you.

If you feel you are in a crisis, whether or not you are thinking about killing yourself, please call the Lifeline. People have called  us for help with substance abuse, economic worries, relationship and family problems, sexual orientation, illness, getting over abuse, depression,  mental and physical illness, and even loneliness.

 

 

The Veterans Crisis Line connects Veterans in crisis and their families and friends with qualified, caring Department of Veterans Affairs responders through a confidential toll-free hotline, online chat, or text. Veterans and their loved ones can call 1-800-273-8255 and Press 1, chat online, or send a text message to 838255 to receive confidential support 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year.

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