I believe it is safe to declare that I am in a state of depression… but do not anguish! I persist in rolling my rock up my hill! =)
Symptoms of depression include the following:1
- depressed mood (such as feelings of sadness or emptiness) (…Check!)
- reduced interest in activities that used to be enjoyed, sleep disturbances (either not being able to sleep well or sleeping too much) (…Check!)
- loss of energy or a significant reduction in energy level (…Check!)
- difficulty concentrating, holding a conversation, paying attention, or making decisions that used to be made fairly easily (…Check!)
- suicidal thoughts or intentions. (No worries. No intentions; just moments of feeling wretched. Pinky promise!)
I had hoped that with the extreme depression I dealt with last fall through this past summer, I would find respite for the sacrifice of almost a year, but alas, it has not come to pass.
While I sit in my husband’s big, comfy chair with the sun streaming upon me from the window on my right and a lightbox2 emanating its beneficial, full spectrum rays of light from the floor to my left, I write this post because I am not sure what else to do. It is taking quite the effort to continue typing as I would prefer to simply proclaim that I am depressed and go back to bed. After all, I am running on five hours of sleep! =) However, I go on, and that is the good news.
Usually during periods of depression, I am so completely inundated by its symptoms that it is rare I am able to function at any meaningful level. I typically find myself unable to attend to the daily requirements of life, yet this time around, I have been able to keep appointments, communicate with others, and work in my volunteer position; it has simply taken much more physical & mental energy and inner encouragement to do so. I usually arrive home after such efforts (which usually take no more than 4-5 hours of my time) so fatigued that I have recently fallen asleep within minutes of sitting upon the couch with my poor head hung low upon my chest. (Talk about a kink in my neck!)
I have no specific piece of knowledge to share through this post. I suppose I simply wanted to share…share that while I am experiencing moments of exceptional despair, I am doing better than muddling through…share that even though the concept of hope has become a bit tarnished once again, I am still endeavoring to move forward.
1 American Psychiatric Association. (1994). Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fourth Edition. Washington, D.C.: American Psychiatric Association.
2Learn more about light therapy (phototherapy) for treating depression, Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD), and other illnesses at http://www.webmd.com/depression/tc/light-therapy-topic-overview.
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