Everyone is allowed a flub from time to time; even a BIG flub. In true flub manner, I managed to blunder publically. A few nights ago, at about 3am, my raw emotions got the best of me through a lack of sleep for two days and an increased dose (physician approved) of medication for a bout of insomnia that has been trying to get its teeth into me for over a month. Without identifying the people, I posted about two family members who made comments about my illness that I felt were based on just a part of my story, undermining my broader struggle. The hurt from those comments had been silently sitting on a shelf in my brain, waiting for my BPD to pull them down and use them to wreak havoc.
And so the BPD did pull them down, and so they got their havoc.
I was wrong to have posted as I did. I could have shared the same sentiments of feeling alone and unsupported without having ever typed the words “…family member”. I could have shared my experience without having ever dragged anonymous people into my very public monologue.
For letting a moment of weakness cause me to post as I did, I am sorry, and I am sorry that I hurt you. (This is why having social media or texting be one’s only means of having friends just really sucks. LOL)